The Night before Deadpool
by zippityduda
Summary: The fate of our world depends on these to unlikely heroes... well actually it's just Christmas but STILL! minor note,I do not own Deadpool, and Santa is not real. Rated T for violence and language.
1. Chapter 1

_(This is the story of two unlikely characters joining forces to save one of the most important days of all time. Christmas.)_

_**Chapter 1**_

Date: December 24, 2009.

Time: 10:15 P.M.

Setting: City of New York

Mood: Excited

Deadpool chuckled as he wrote his entry for the night. He didn't know why he was so happy. Could it be the Christmas air?... Nah.

He loomed on an office building over the a city sheeted with the night. But seriously, that seems so unoriginal, you know? Writing in a journal while waiting for his prey to come along. Come on. Respect Rorschach for once!

"Oh, you're one to talk!"

What?

"Yeah, I'm talking to you! What right do you have to make fun of me when you're the one telling me what to do?!"

Heh heh. Damn it, Deadpool! Stop breaking the fourth wall!

"Oh, still blaming everything on me. Do something original for once in your life!"

Um, Deadpool. Let's just get back to the story.

"Hey, I'm not done with you--" Suddenly, Deadpool stopped talking until the plot thickened.

"Wha-- Mmph mm nmnnph h mmmph!.... Hmph." Anyway, Deadpool decided to brandish his M16 seeing as no one had not walked by for hours. He began to think he would not walk by at all. But then, a tingling feeling crept up his spine. Not the feeling that someone was going to jump at him and kill him, nor the feeling that someone had poisoned him or planted a bomb on him. Those he would not be afraid of. This was the rapturing feeling that he was going to kill someone soon.

With deadly silence, he unhooked the flap on his Beretta. Then, as if time had stopped, he swung around with inhuman speed and shot with a mad furiousness into the darkness. When the clip fell from the gun, five bodies fell to the ground.

"That's funny," he opinionated, "There are usually six." Suddenly, three of the others leaped out and surrounded him. These tall, blue clad ninjas looked at him with burning eyes and intent to kill.

To ease this awkward silence, Deadpool chirped merrily, "Look I don't know if I have time for this. You know, gotta assassinate someone, kill the wife and kids goodnight. Can we continue this later?" All three lunged. "Okay." As the first one reached him, he drew his sword and as he dodged, thrust the sword into his back. The ninja shrieked in pain.

"Say, did that hurt? Sorry, my victims usually die painlessly." He was cut off by a sword running through his back. He turned his head. "You really shouldn't run with sharp objects." With that, he turned his Assault Rifle on the ninja and shot him in the side. Then swinging around, he blasted his head open

"Just as I thought. All hot air in there." He spotted the last ninja running from the killing fest. "Wait!" Deadpool shouted, "Don't you want cake?" The ninja kept running from roof top to roof top. However, his sprint ended abruptly when Deadpool teleported in front of him. "I guess not." After saying those final words of sadism, he shot the ninja with his Walther until he backed up enough to fall off the building.

"Well, that was easy," Deadpool exclaimed. He looked down to see his defeated enemy, unmasked, dead, and just a young boy. "Hmph. Good riddance." As he turned around though, his mood changed completely to see a big red sleigh that appeared out of nowhere.

"What the--!"


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

Surprised as he was, Deadpool prepared for the worst. He swiftly reloaded all of his guns and drew out his swords. He must not have been wary enough however, because a voice sounded behind him.

"Hello, Wade!" the voice exclaimed.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. How could I not notice if someone was behind me!?"

Because he's Santa Claus.

"Santa Claus?" surely enough, when Deadpool turned around, there was standing Jolly Ol' Saint Nick.

"I see you haven't been very good this year," the bearded man spoke. "But that doesn't mean you can't help me."

"WHOA! Wait a minute!! You can't be Santa Claus!! He doesn't exist!!" Deadpool protested.

"But he does," the old man professed, "He's right in front of you."

"Okay, whoever you are, get out of my comic! Get your own story!"

"Comic? What?"

"Never mind. Anyway what is this thing you need my help with, and why should I help you?"

"Because, the balance of Christmas lies in your hands!" this Santa character said more solemnly. "In this low economy, this day is the only solace for some people."

"But, Christmas," Deadpool pondered out loud, "Isn't that the day crime rates are the highest?"

"Sadly, yes." Santa looked down with deep disappointment in his eyes. "I have noticed this develop over the last one thousand years."

"Then, wouldn't it be best for there to be no Christmas?" Santa looked at Deadpool in disbelief.

"Wade Wilson, Christmas is not a time of crime, it is a time of giving, a time to remember the years, a time to praise God, a time... to love." After a long pause, Santa looked him in the eye for a longer period of time. "And you're going to help me save it, right?"

Deadpool thought about it for some time. _Helping Santa to save Christmas, hmmm. Would I be praised as a hero, or would people mock me because of how ridiculous is sounds... But, this might be the only thing I've done worth while in my life. Hey, whoa there, Wade!! You almost started to develop a conscience! But still..._

After thinking about it, Deadpool finally responded, "What's in it for me?"

Santa groaned. "Alright, it means more punks for you to beat up."

"Sweet!"

"Now, into the sleigh."

"What?! Alright, you never said anything about riding in that huge, disturbing, reindeer-smelling joy ride of yours!" At this remark, Donner snorted as if to indicate he was offended.

"Of course not, you can just ride hanging from the back. You wouldn't mind that, would you?"

Deadpool groaned. "Shotgun." Santa smiled knowing he had won. He hopped into the front with surprising agility for his age, not to mention his weight. He grabbed hold of the reins and made sure everything was shipshape around the sleigh. "So," Deadpool remarked, "How do you start this thing !!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The sleigh took off into the air and flew through time and space. Deadpool felt every nerve in his body tingle and his muscles tense up. He felt his face falling apart. He tried to say, "ARE WE THERE YET?!" but his ironic humor was disabled somehow. Everything was numbing to him. Finally,

just as all of reality seemed like it was about to explode, the sleigh stopped.

They were in a flat, snowy wasteland. Snow flakes fell from the frostbitten country. The only civilization he could make out was a large cabin the size of the Pentagon. But that was up in flames. He could here faint screams in the distance.

"Son," the now less Jolly man spoke up, "this was the North Pole."


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3**_

"So," Deadpool began out loud, "this is that winter wonderland everyone talks about. Needs a little work don't you think?"

Santa grimaced. "It needs more than work. What we need is help."

"Soooooooooo," Deadpool said, attempting to end the the passing silence. "So, what happened here?"

"Oh, deary me!" Santa begun, "It all began when Richelieu, one of the youngest and most ambitious of our community, volunteered to bring help to our slow production line. Eager to see what help he had in mind, I let him. He was so young. He-- he--"

Deadpool hated it when people got emotional when telling a story. "What? Did he die?"

"Die? Oh, no. However, I thought he did. Everyone found out about how they found his body in the Chesapeake. It was an emotional time for us all. But our sorrow turned into horror when he came back followed by an army of dark sprites."

"Excuse me. Dark Sprites?! Have you ever heard of originality?!"

Hey, you try writing this.

"Make me!"

You know I can.

"Then why don't you? Oh, wait a minute. I'm FICTIONAL!! I have no say in this whatsoev--"

FINE!!!! Have it your way!

"I'm sorry," continued the weary old man, "I meant Sheenoks, cousins of the elves. They burrowed through the earth at incredible speeds until they reached the North Pole. They ravaged through the workshop, killing every elf that got in his way. It-- was--" Santa searched his subconscious to find the right word. He found it. "Naughty."

Deadpool, meanwhile, was finding it hard to keep it together. All this talk of amateur murder, confusion, and his favorite: NAUGHTY. It was to much for him. He burst into a river of tears which was very inappropriate at this moment.

Suddenly, Santa snapped. Swiftly, he made a swipe at Deadpool's neck breaking it. As soon as he recovered, he tried to retaliate with a shot to Santa's face. Santa, however, moved at an unnatural speed appearing behind Deapool and grasping him in a headlock. Deapool shot past Santa's face to unnerve him, then teleported off the sled. He whipped out his assault rifle and mowed down the sled, only to be surprised in seeing that Saint Nick anticipated his move and got off before hand. Santa reappeared right next to Deadpool, grabbed that end of the barrel, and bent it downwards.

Deadpool stared in horror. "LUCY!!!" he cried in dismay.

"I'm not completely helpless," Santa remarked. "I do things other than ride around the world delivering toys. I may be all jolly and plump and all that, but push my, and I will break."

Deadpool groaned. "But did you have to take it out on my gun?"

Santa spun around. He stared at Deadpool until it pierced the soul nobody thought Wade Wilson had. "Are you going to help me? Unless your too afraid."

No one had ever seen the dark side of Santa, not even the elves. In fact, no one really knew he had a dark side. But Deadpool had seen it. Now, he respected this old man.

"Sure, I'll help," he remarked. "Who do you think I am? Green Lantern? Wait, I **did not **just make that pun."

Hee hee.

"I'll get you for that."

Nutcase.

"Bully."


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4**_

Santa led the way into the smoldering workshop. Deadpool looked around, spotting burnt toys, charred benches, and the occasional elf corpse.

"Can anyone say barbecue?"

Santa took the comment lightly considering what he was going through. What had been his home for the last one thousand years was now a warehouse surrounded by remorse and despair. Although any normal person would have bent down and cried out in agony. Santa, however, was not normal. He had delivered gifts for centuries, seen the world, met hundreds upon hundreds of neglected souls. He was not a man of sorrow, he was a man of comfort.

"Who are you talking to?"

Uh, the readers. Hi readers.

"What are you doing on this piece of junk? Get off your butts!"

Deadpool.

"Go read a book!"

Deadpool!

"Make your own Fanfic!"

Deadpool, SHUT UP!!!!

"... Go watch Yu-Gi-Oh the Abridged Series."

Stop chasing off my readers!!

"It's fun to annoy you."

This joke is getting old.

"C'mon!"

Anyway, Santa pulled knelt down to a tiny cabinet. Drawing out a key from his coat, he placed into the lock. It flung open with a gust of air and dust. Inside lay toys of joy in Deadpool's eyes.

"Guuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnsssss," Deadpool slurred out trying without avail not to drool. It was a sight to see for our trigger happy. He could hear them each saying, "Pull my trigger, Deadpool! My safety is off! Oh, yes! We want to bang someone!" This was his harem.

"Get a hold of yourself!" sounded a shocked Santa. "You know I can hear what your thinking."

"Really," Deadpool pondered mischievously. "What am I pondering now?" At that moment, Santa's eyes peered open. "Yeah, that was a bad joke, really. Still I couldn't help mys--"

"Get down!" Old Nick said in a loud whisper as he pounced on Deadpool. Flying bullets grazed the location where Deadpool was standing.

Deadpool looked up awkwardly. "Look, Santa, you're really not my type."

"Shhhh!" Santa waited for a second then got up. "It's just me, Marie."

Out of the walls of shadow stepped a graciously slender elf like lady. She wore tight leather pants and a dark green, short sleeved top. All this, however, was covered by a blend of shadow and military armory. A black glove pulled back her long navy blue bangs.

"I thought you were one of those Sheeknock bastards," this Marie character responded.

Deadpool ogled "Woah, that is some suit you're wearing! Is it Gap?" Obviously offended, she reached into her side holster and pulled out a Colt 45. Just inches away from his face, She looked poised to squeeze and blow his face away.

"Look, 'Deadpool', I know you might be that Merc with a Mouth, all cheek and tongue, but get this straight! You tick me and I'll make sure you don't have a cheek or a tongue! Get the picture!"

Deadpool nodded in submission. And for the first time in his life, _Deadpool sweat. _He was in total awe of this woman. He begen thinking to himself, _I'm totally making out with her. I'm totally making out with her. I'm totally making out with her. I'm totally making out with her._

Then, she turned back and remarked, "By the way, it's all at JC Penny."

Deadpool didn't know what she meant but it was the hottest thing he had ever heard. _Oh yeah,_ _I'm totally making out with her. _

Santa stepped in, "Wade, this is Marie. She's one of our top workers."

"Oh, interesting." _Best day of my life._

"She's been her for only 12 years."

"Okay." _Best day of my life._

"She's the General of our resistance."

_Best day of my life._

"Oh, and Wade."

"Yeah?"

She's your wife.

WORSE_ day of my life._


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter 5**_

Santa closed the trunk after the three of them had gathered from the armory. As Santa and Marie armed themselves, Deadpool was caressing his Steyr AUG murmuring words like, "I love you more than anything baby," and "Here? No, no, no."

Marie looked at him. "Remember when you used to say that to me?"

Deadpool groaned to himself. _Is she going to go into that?_ "Hmm, let me think. Was that before you were a nag or after?"

Marie growled. "The 'I'll shoot you in the head if you start getting annoying' deal still holds."

Deadpool swore to himself that when this mess was over, he would never fall for another girl again. "So, why did you never want to see me again?"

"You ran off, remember?" she retorted. "All I want to know is who this young woman you ran off this was like. 20?"

"Uhhhh."

"18?"

"Now wait--"

"God forbid 14!"

"Hey, I never go with the 14 year old type!.... Well, there was the time I totally went for that Jubilee chick, but--"

"You sicken me! Why did you marry me, hmmm? Was it for the 'excitement'? Did I get boring? Was I not passionate enough?"

Santa tried to intervene this heated debate before the bullets started flying. "Wait, if were going to solve this problem, we can't start--"

"Don't side with him!!" Marie exclaimed. "He is a no good, perverted, gun molesting freak!!!"

The fires in both of them welled up and they both drew a handgun aiming at each others heads. Santa leaped into action. Two gunshots. Ears ringing. Eyes shut tightly. When the two of them opened their eyes, they saw Santa grasping both barrels, redirecting them into the air.

"I," he began, "have, HAD IT!! Do I really have to separate you two??" Marie and Deadpool looked at each other, not in hate, but in confusion. What could they feel about each other? Then, the feelings disappeared. They turned from each other and walked away. Deadpool jumped up a few floors onto the roof while Marie dismissed herself outside. As she flung the doors open, she felt a few renegade tears dripping down. She forced them to stop remembering how embarrassing it was to cry.

The jolly old man followed her, nursing his hands. "What happened in there? This is no time to let your emotions go! We're on the brink of Civil War!"

"How could you let him come!?" Marie snapped back. "You knew he and I had a--" Then she stopped. "That's why you brought him."

"Marie," Santa spoke softly, "there's something you need to know."

"What else do I need to know about him?" she sounded in a furious but confused tone. "I was married to him for five years. I know all there is to know." She felt the misfit signs of anger taking the form of tears again.

Santa took off his coat and handed it to her. "No, there's something else." The old man took in a breath. "He was diagnosed with cancer. There was nothing anyone could do. He knew that you would grieve, so he left without saying why, hoping to find a cure and come back to you."

Marie looked at Santa and then to the roof. She knew she had to resolve this.

* * *

Deadpool stared into the endless stream of snow. Seeing Marie again, he began to feel normal again. Almost sane. Then he heard the creaking of wood. Instinctively, he whipped out his Winchester and aimed it into the dark.

"Don't shoot," responded Marie, "It's just me."

Deadpool chuckled. "All the more reason to shoot." After a tone of disapproval from the author, Deadpool placed his gun in the holster and continued his sky wandering. "Gets chilly here?"

"You don't know the half of it," she replied looking at him.

Deadpool paused. "Where's the bitter remark?"

Marie looked back up."I found out about why you left me."

Deadpool peered his eyes. Then, he looked down. "You do?"

Marie continued, "And I was stupid to think that you would cheat on me."

Daedpool thought a while. "I know it sounds stupid. It was all romantic and everything and it was a deep type of romantic comedy plot--" Marie put her finger over Deadpool's mouth. She slowly lifted Deadpool's mask from his lips.

"Deadpool..." She said moving her fingers in a winding pattern around his mouth.

_Something's not right here,_ he said to himself. He was closing in . _Stop! It's a trap!! _Suddenly, a _whizz_ sound flew by and he saw Marie looking down at her bleeding chest. He looked for the source of the bullet and out stepped-- Marie??

He realized as soon as he looked at the person by his side was not Marie, but the hideous wrinkled skin and ragged clothes. He looked into this monsters yellow eyes as it lunged with it's remaining strength. But before it could sink it's crooked teeth into his neck, the real Marie shot a full round into it's head. It squealed and fell two stories into a broken heap at the bottom.

"Marie? What was that?"

"That was a Sheeknock.. Ugly, skulk things that kill you in the most hideous of ways."

"Plus they don't look good for scoring with."

"What!?"

"Never mind." Suddenly, a horrifying image of Santa being torn apart by the vicious Sheeknock entered Deadpool's mind. "Where's Santa?!"

"He's down at the front of the building."

"We can't leave him alone!!" With that, he grabbed Marie and sprung from the building. Then, the sheets of time and space folded around them and they were safely at the bottom. The first thing they saw was a group of Sheeknocks dragging a bag through the snow. _Santa,_ Deadpool guessed.

One Sheeknock stood out in particular. He was different then the other; for one thing, he had significantly more hair. He didn't slouch and he looked more proud than the others. He seemed like the leader. Marie looked as she tried to place a name on him.

"Richelieu?" she inquired. At the sound of this name, the Sheeknock turned and looked at her. Marie gasped. This was Richelieu, that young elf they all talked about. He looked more like Marie accept that he had thin but notable wrinkle lines and his lips started to curve on one side of his face. He grimaced, then turned to the lower ones and spoke to them in their native language. They all departed for a hidden vehicle.

He looked back at the two heroes. "I should have known you were with Nick this whole time on this plot! He using you!"

"What do you mean? What happened to you?" Marie shouted back.

"I've seen the truth!" he responded vigorously. "He's corrupting this country and I'm here to stop him!"

This was Deapool's cue. "Well, it doesn't get any more like 24 than this!" Saying this, he leaped into action. Drawing out his Smith and Wesson and a katana, he teleported behind him and shot his shoulder blade. There was a broken shatter and brief yell from Richelieu, and then Deadpool had recovered. He swung around and blew him away with a palm to his arm. Deadpool flew south ten feet one way while his arm flew south twenty feet the other way (being the North Pole). Richelieu scoffed and disappeared into the ice. There was a rumble under the ice, most likely the Sheeknocks escaping, then it stopped. It was too late to try following Santa.

Marie raced toward Deadpool and tried looking for vital signs. "Don't bother," he responded. "No signs of vitality. Just help me up." She helped him to his feet, but almost dropped him when she noticed his arm was missing. "Oh, don't worry. It happens. Hold on." He looked around until he spotted a red appendage sticking out from the blanket of snow.

However, something unexpected happened. He stood there for a few seconds as if he was waiting for something to happen. "What are you doing? Can't you just teleport over there and reconnect your arm?"

"Well, I'm trying." Seconds later. "This is weird. Whatever, I could use the exercise." And so, he jogged through the snow, battling the windy currents until he finally reached his arm. But, when he attempted to reattach it, it would just strain itself and fall off. "It's not reattaching! What's happening?"

"Well, usually, arms don't reattach when you try to put them back on," Marie remarked.

"But mine do. It's just, it's not working. Have I...I ..." Deadpool waited for a few seconds. Eventually, he said it. "I've lost my powers?... Oh, nice. You took away my powers!! Thanks!"

I'm not talking to you.

"Come on! How am I supposed to win?!"

That's interesting. Doubt from the mouth of Deadpool. Can it be true? Find out what happens in the riveting season finale of Night Before Deadpool!!!!


	6. Chapter 6 Part 1

_**Chapter 6: Part 1**_

"Well, this is just great! How am I going to defeat an elf with only one arm?" remarked Deadpool.

"Um, Wade."

"I mean, like, I'm the one with one arm."

"Wade?"

"Oh, perfect! My common sense left with my arm!!"

"WADE!! Let's just focus on saving Santa."

"Oh, yeah." For a second, Deadpool forgot that he had lost his powers and tried once again to teleport. "What's happening? Why can't I teleport? Did I lose my powers somehow?! Wait, I already lost them!! AHHH!!! I'm losing my memory too!!!!!"

"Deadpool, cool down!!" By now, Marie was more than annoyed at Deadpool. In fact, she would have shot Deadpool had he not been absent of his powers. "Richelieu must have taken your teleportation device. But that's not going to stop us. We still have... the sleigh."

Deadpool groaned. "Oh please no, not the sled! I've been a good boy! I've told you everything I know!! Please, don't hurt my daughter!!"

Marie sighed. It was official. Deadpool was crazy again. _Well, I missed that side of him anyway._

She dragged Deadpool through the snow and into the sleigh. By this time, Deadpool had his fun and he grabbed the rein on the reindeer.

"Alright, boys!" Marie encouraged them enthusiastically. "We're saving Santa this time!!"

"So, how does he do this again? On Dasher, on Dancer, on Pra--"

Marie had a different approach. "LET"S GOOOOOOO!!!!" And with that, the reindeer flew into the air.

"HOOOOOOOOOW LOOONG DOOOOOES THIIIIIIIIS TAAKE!?" but as he said those words, the sleigh stopped. They were parked right by a half submerged glacier. Perfect hideout. Obviously, the only way in was by burrowing.

"So, how do we get in?" pondered Marie. Deadpool, on the other hand, was busy reaching for his matter plasmatizing grenade. "Your not going to try blowing threw it, are you?"

"No way," smirked Deadpool, even though that was what he was going to do. Quickly, however, his insane nature brewed up a crazy theory. "Give me your watch."

"Why?"

"Because I have a theory. What if I can stabilize and focus the energy from this plasma grenade? Theoretically, it would be powerful enough to act as a teleporter, but small enough for us to endure."

"Are you sure about this?" she asked handing him her watch.

"Like I said, theoretically. If it works, I'm a genius." He tinkered with it using his fingers for a while, then put his thumb on the pin on the grenade. "Ready, one..."

"You'd still be insane."

"..two...three!" He pulled he pin and attached the grenade to the fiddled watch. Then he held his breath and prayed that God would spare him of a messy fate. On either side.

"Wait! If this works, shouldn't we have a plan--" **BOOM!!**

* * *

Meanwhile, Richelieu looked at his face in a hand mirror, vainly probing his face. He sat in a throne room sculpted completely out of ice.

"Bah!" he said to the cruel reflection, "It does not matter. The person who did this among such heinous crimes will pay today!" He walked up to the security camera installed for his own delight. It showed Santa and his elf helpers in a cell block. "And those who fraternized with him."

Suddenly, a Sheeknock guard ran up to him from the steel enforced door. He spewed out slurring sounds that would sound like nonsense to us, but to those who understood him, it meant this:

"Master, the fortress has been breeched! They're slaughtering us all!!" But on the last _skhee,_ a bullet pierced his chest from the back and instantly killed him. In from the open doors stepped Deadpool and Marie.

"Why,thank you," Richelieu spoke slyly, "I meant to kill him eventually."

"Why, you're welcome." Deadpool said sarcastically, "We meant to come kill you eventually."

"Where are you keeping Santa and the helpers, Richelieu?"Marie spoke up fiercely.

"Those creatures of the devil will be no more by the time this day is done!" Then, tapping a red button an the control panel, an alarm began blaring. "But first, it looks like the devil has some imps that need tending to." Within seconds, dozens of Sheeknocks filled the room. "It's nice to have an army at my disposal."

Deadpool, wasted no time in taking out a grenade launcher and shooting it across the room. Many explosions and shrieks of fear later, the room was clear. Deadpool chuckled in satisfaction.

"Deadpool, 50. Big bad elf..." He pretended to tally points in the air. "hmm, zero."

In the confusion, Marie was able to access the control panel and locate the prison cells. Quickly tapping them into her palmpilot, she recorded a map of the whole area.

"Insolent girl!!" Richelieu screamed as he punched her in the gut and sent her flying to the wall. Deadpool was filled with anger and adrenaline. He pounced on Richelieu and knocked him into the computer.

"Go, Marie!! Help Santa!!" As Marie dashed off, he pulled out his M16 with his katana duct taped to the front.

"Interesting," the sadistic elf thought. Just then, he pulled out a long, four foot machete. "This is my baby. When all else fails, she'll still be around."

"I didn't think you could hold down a girlfriend. Not with that lousy face of yours at least."

Richelieu did not take kindly to these remarks. "When I slash you to tiny bits, I'll crush that piece of crap under my foot!!"

Deadpool bared his teeth under his mask. He went to affectionately cradling his gun. "Did you hear that, sweetheart? Are we going to let the big bad elf man get away with that? No we aren't."

Thoroughly annoyed at Deadpool by now, Richelieu lunged with the tip of his sword heading right towards him. Deadpool side flipped over him and slashed his back. "Oooo, a backslash! Deadpool's in this for the kill!" he smirked.

Richelieu lunged again, this time maneuvering a hack to chop him in half, but Deadpool bended back, preformed a perfectly balanced backflip, and cut Richelieu's side. "Whoa, do I sense dirty play here? Alright, no more Mr. Nice-guy"

This time, they both lunged, executing perfect parries for every blow the opponent delivered. As Deadpool leaped over Richelieu, Richelieu stabbed upward hoping it would run him through. Deadpool

deflected this attack, landed neatly, and slashed at his opponent's stomach, who narrowly dodged it by jumping back.

"So," Deadpool began, parrying another blow at his head, "I know how you took my teleportation device away, but what about my healing?"

Richelieu smiled evilly. "Simple, as I punched you, I simply injected you with a cell killing formula. You still had your powers, but they were busy combating the virus. By know, your cells should be weakening about now. And that means it will go straight to your heart." At that moment, he made another slash.

Deadpool, even though he deflected it, felt that is was a close call. Then, he felt his blood rushing and his chest starting to spasm. He weakly fell to the floor. His body lost all control and he shook involuntarily but vigorously.

Richelieu chuckled. "Who's laughing now?"

** End Part one of Chapter 6**


	7. Chapter 6 Part 2

** _Chapter 6: Part 2_**

Marie raced down the hall knocking out the guards with a swift punch to the neck. She looked into her palmpilot to see where the nearest cell was. Strangely enough, she was standing right next to it.

She looked around to see nothing. Suddenly, she heard a tapping nearby. It was the wall! She followed the tapping to it's source. _So, _she thought,_ they must be able to see through the wall._

"Hold on!" she shouted taking out her rocket launcher. "Stand back!" The tapping stopped for a while and turned into beeping. _Beep beeeep beeeep. Beep beep beep beep. Beep beeeep. Beeeep. What are they saying? _She pondered. _Wait, morse code. They can't hear me and I can't hear them._

Wait to go, Sherlock.

"Wait, who said that?"

No one. Get back to saving them.

"Oh, Okay." She took out a walkie talkie, placed it against the wall, and sent them a message telling them to step back. Seconds later, they signaled her to. She pulled back the trigger and blasted a rocket into the wall. Unfortunately for her, she was not steady enough and she flew back. She, woke up to some excruciating pain in her chest. _5 broken ribs,_ she said to herself. When she looked up, the smoke already cleared away and she saw the wall was still there and there was no damage done to it.

As she laid her head back done to slip into unconsciousness, she said, "Now what?"

* * *

Deadpool, in the meantime, was on the floor being kicked in the gut and jeered at by Richelieu.

"The Merc with the Mouth, Ha!" followed by another kick. Richelieu felt very accomplished today, defeating the famous Deadpool, soon to defeat his worst enemies and rule this ice cap for himself.

Deadpool, on the other hand, saw Marie, his wife... er, the... person, broken on the floor, straining to get up. He looked in pity for not being able to do anything to help. He couldn't even help himself.

"Alright," Richelieu snickered. "What surprises do you have in store, Knucklehead?!" He attempted to deliver another kick, but partway through, Deadpool caught it. Using this to his advantage, he tossed the enemy back and away from the computer. He slowly ascended, using the control panel as leverage. As he lifted himself with his one arm, he conveniently activated the 'cell door release'. He looked on the monitor to see Santa and the elves all help Marie to her feet followed by an array of affectionate signs.

"What have you done?" Richelieu exclaimed in horror. "You released all of the prisoners!"

Deadpool spoke breathlessly. "Took Gasp the words Gasp right out of my mouth Gasp. The only worthwhile Gasp thing Gasp I've done with my life."

Richelieu yelled out in anguish. "You have become public enemy number one!"

Deadpool decided to insert a cheeky comment. "Hey. I've Gasp never been #1."

Richelieu pounced forward with his sword pointed at his new enemy. Deadpool tried to evade, but the sword just made it's target. Deadpool was stabbed through the side. He leaned on Richelieu's sword for support. He was dying and he knew it. Richelieu drew the sword out of Deadpool in sheer madness. He had become the only thing crazier than Deadpool himself.

As Deadpool fell to the floor, he grabbed his weapon. Then, he tossed it behind Richelieu. "What's this?" Richelieu said through his grin. "The famous Deadpool tosses his most prized possession, his gun, in his time of death?"

This time, Deadpool smiled. "I know this going to hurt you more than this hurts me."

Confused, Richelieu inquired, "What the heck do you mean by--" Bullets _whizzed_ through the air and came on impact in Richelieu's back. As blood poured freely from his chest, he began to cry. "I...I don't want to die." With that, the sad elf-Sheeknock creature knelt to the ground, and died looking at his worst enemy. Deadpool.

* * *

Marie tossed the weapon and hobbled to Deadpool's side. "Hey Deadpool, wake up! We've set charges to blow this place to smithereens! You never miss an explosion!" She stopped herself there. "I mean, it's obvious you like explosions, right?"

Deadpool, this whole time, did not respond. Marie tried again to wake him. Nothing. _Oh, dear God, no! Please._

"Marie, c'mon!" one of the elves urged her.

"Wait!!" she rushed to the computer and found Deadpool's teleporter. She placed it on Deadpool and activated it. "Everyone get over here!" Santa and all of the elves obeyed this order and with that, she set the teleportation device to send them to the sleigh. Everyone felt a tremendous push of G-force and then, they were outside.

They all looked on a the glacier as it shattered into millions of tiny frozen particles, then melting in the heat. Marie, however, was not so keen on watching. She was tearing herself apart trying to revive him.

"Santa, please help me!" she cried out. Santa quickly ran and knelt at Deadpool's side with Marie. He tore Deadpool's shirt open and analyzed the body to see what might have stopped his healing factor. He spotted the swollen arteries around his body and realized what happened. He placed his hand over Deadpool's chest and the swelling began to die down.

Marie limped over to the sleigh and grabbed Deadpool's dismembered arm. She placed it by the stump hoping that it would reattach. No such luck. She put her index and middle finger to his neck. Nothing. She choked. She decided there was nothing she could do. Then, both deliberately and involuntarily, she lifted his mask and kissed him. Nothing.

She looked at her husband in the snow. All of these years, she rejected him. Why? Well, besides the fact that he was shallow, and insane, and a murderer, but besides that..

"You're really not helping here."

Sorry.

Marie stared down again. She bent over onto Deadpool's body and sobbed. She always thought she knew how predictable he was until today. The Wade she knew would have used his opportunity to escape. This was a different Wade. She wondered if it was him that changed, or was it her?

But it was to late to ask him. He was gone. She clenched her fists to release the pain she felt. Nothing helped. She couldn't control herself knowing that she would never speak to him again, never kiss him, never here another sarcastic comment from him. Right as she began to know him, he was gone.

Oooooooooor so she thought. Out of no where, she heard a rumble in his chest, then a groan in his throat. "Please," he said faintly. "Don't cry. It stains the suit."

Marie looked at him in disbelief. "Wade?"

Deadpool managed a chuckle. "Didn't I tell you? I don't have a noticeable pulse."

Marie covered her mouth to prevent a cough of ecstasy. "I-- You-- You're alive!!"

Deadpool looked up. "Hey, did I miss an explosion?"

A cheer rose up from all of the elves. It seems they were watching the whole thing. Marie didn't notice. She looked at Deadpool, right at her side. Unwillingly, maybe, but still. He was here, she was there, that's all that mattered.

"So," croaked Deadpool, trying to straighten the situation out. "I was out for the rest of the fight? …. Shoot. I must have been really out! Was it epic? Did he hurt you? Should I care about that? Maybe I should. I don't know, it's all confusi--" Marie silenced him by pressing her lips against his. "That just made it all little more confusing."

He spotted familiar red component part of his body half buried in the snow. "Oh, yeah. I'm still missing that." He picked it up and placed it on the stump on his shoulder. Uncanny as it was to Marie, the muscle tissue reconnected little by little, until it became one with him again.

"That's something you don't see every day," he said.

Marie smiled. "Neither is love."

"Well, technically, it is. You know, there are thousands of people across--" Marie silenced him again with her lips. The two locked eyes on each other, both staring deeply into the other. Love was something Deadpool thought he knew enough about, but, of course, he was wrong. He forgot about this intimacy long ago. And he felt it now once more.

"Heh heh. It's been quite a day," chuckled nervously.

Marie smiled. "It has." Then, they realized how dangerous it was to get to comfortable in the snow and they help each other up. Off they limped to the sleigh. As Santa grabbed the reins, Deadpool held his breath.

"Tell me when it's over."

Santa looked back. "Son, it's far from over."

Opening his eyes, he asked, "Wait, what do you me--" **SHOOOOOOOM!!!**__Off the sled went. "THAAAAAAAAAT WASN'T VERY NIIIIIIIIICE!!!!!!!!"

_**Epilogue**_

One week later, the North Pole was finally free. The Sheeknock had all retreated. Their army fell apart after Richelieu died. Now, it was time for Deadpool to leave. After gathering all of his things (which were mostly just guns and knives) onto Santa's sleigh, he looked back at the North Pole. He thought of how great it would be to get out of the cold. But then, he remembered everyone he met. He remembered his friendship with the elves and Santa. He remembered Marie.

She meanwhile, also would miss Deadpool. She made up her mind and went outside.

"Wade!!" she shouted. He turned to see her running to the sleigh.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. He reached out her hand for him, which he greatfully accepted. They looked once more into each others eyes. "Sooooooo, did you have a good time last night?"

Marie smiled playfully. "I did, at least."

"So, ah, maybe we can do it again sometime?"

More mischief ensued. "I don't know. It's not every day you get to go to the North Pole."

"Wait for me, then." They leaned forward and shared on passionate kiss. As they pulled back, Santa chuckled.

"If you two are done," he said, "it's time to get going." He hopped into the sleigh with his unusual agility. Deadpool and Marie let go of each others hands.

"Goodbye!" Deadpool called out.

"Goodbye, Deadpool!" she answered back.

Deadpool braced himself at once knowing what came next. The reindeer rose into the sky and **ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!** They were gone.

As he flew through what seemed like eternity, Deadpool saw flashes of things that had happened that week. People, places, emotions. They made Deadpool forget what was happening. Suddenly, it all vanished. He looked around. New York City, the Big Apple, home.

Santa hopped out. "Well, Wade, it's been great. Now, before I go, I want to give you something."

Deadpool shook his head. "Look, I'm not a mercenary anymore. I'm a hero. We do things for the betterment of man kind, not for a reward."

Santa shrugged. "Suit yourself."

"Hey, come on! You know me!"

The jolly man laughed. "Alright." He reached into his bag and Deadpool's jaw dropped. You could not imagine the surprise he was in.

"Lucy!!" He grabbed his assault rifle and pet it in a scary, (almost lustful) way. "I'm never going to let anymore harm come to you! Thaaaaaaank you, Santa!!"

"You should thank Marie. She repaired it." Santa looked at Deadpool who looked at the gun like he never looked at a gun before.

"That makes it a lot more valuable, I guess." He looked up to say goodbye to Santa, but he was gone. He was on top of the office building he stood on a week ago. Or was it a week ago? The ninjas' corpses were all there. He scanned the city. It was still Christmas Eve. "I... guess it was just a dream."

He looked at Lucy, his lucky weapon; it went everywhere he went. Maybe this was the closest relationship he would ever have. Then, he noticed something. He held his gun to the dim light and read a carved inscription. It said this: _Wade Wilson, know that I will never love anyone as much as you. Yours forever, Marie._ Deadpool looked up to the midnight sky. He forced himself not to cry. He knew that fans everywhere would start posting death threats if he did. As Christmas Eve waned away, he put Lucy on his back, walking to whatever destiny awaited him. He was a changed man, changed for the better.

_**Well folks, that's it for "The Deadpool/Santa Saga"... Part One.**_

_**Don't worry about Deadpool. He eventually went crazy after he heard Marie never wanted to see him again.**_

_**Ain't I a stinka?**_

_**Tell me what feed you have for the next DeadpoolAhemandSanta story.**_

_**Thank you all for reading.**_

_**True to the screw. Whatever that means.**_


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